God Wears a Bowtie?
by BlipInTheSystem
Summary: Very AU. Castiel appears to the Winchesters after tracking down someone who might be God. The only problem? He's a lunatic with a fondness for bowties. Set somewhere in Season Five Supernatural and just after Season Six Doctor Who. Rated T to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

The man looked half starved as he wandered aimlessly through the streets of London.

"Vworp! Vworp! Vworp!" He cried suddenly, his hands making nearly unseeable gestures, "Bowties are cool!" He was clearly out of his mind. Bowties were not cool at all, no-one sane would make that mistake.

0o0o0o0o0o

"I have a lead."

Both Sam and Dean jumped at Castiel spoke from the backseat.

"What the hell, Cas?" Dean protested.

"A lead on what?" Sam turned to look at Cas, "The colt? We already have one."

"God."

Dean jerked the steering wheel in mild shock and pulled over to the side of the crowded highway.

"You know where God is?" Dean asked, turning around to stare at the angel in the backseat.

"No. I know where he has been frequenting."

"Where?" The Winchesters asked at the same time.

"London." Castiel said, "I'm bringing you to England."

**A/N: I apologise for the shortness. However, there's another, longer chapter coming up within an hour. Please R&R, it would make me happy. And a happy Blip is a good Blip.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: As promised, here's the second chapter.**

He had been taken in by a small homeless shelter. Kind people, he could tell, taking him in. They should have some sort of reward. Sitting by himself on the floor, he flew the small, beat-up toy spaceship. He had found it in his pocket, "Pew pew pew!" He cried, zapping some imaginary aliens. A sudden wave of frustration and sadness came over him and he threw the spaceship across the room like a child having a temper tantrum. It hit the tall man who had just walked in on the kneecap.

0o0o0o0o0o

Sam rubbed his kneecap and swore, glaring at the man in a bowtie sitting cross-legged on the floor like a child.

Dean fingered the pendant, it was getting uncomfortably hot. God was nearby.

"What would God be doing in a place fulla hobos? You'd think he'd be in a place that had clean beds." He grumbled to Castiel.

Cas glanced at Dean, "He may be helping them. Has it not occurred to you that God does good?"

While Dean and Cas bickered, Sam was watching the man in a bowtie.

0o0o0o0o0o

"Monsieur Smith!" The young homeless boy ran up to to the man in the bowtie, holding a toy plane, "Could you make it go?" He asked in a heavy French accent.

He grinned, "Sure, Jacques!" He reached into his pocket and brought out a silver tube with a green bulb at the end. Jacques put the plane, which bowtie had also found in his pocket(it was like they were bigger on the inside!). He pointed the thing at the plane and pushed a button. A whirring sound came from it and the toy flew, actually flew, zipping around the room. He and Jacques were having the time of their lives, laughing their heads off.

0o0o0o0o0o

This had attracted the other homeless people's attention, but this was almost a daily event with 'Monsieur Smith' around, as Jacques called him.

This had also caught the attention of the three Americans-well, two and an angel, standing at the door. Sam's face was one of slight surprise, but acceptance. Dean's looked like he couldn't believe that a model airplane, not made to fly, was flying. Castiel looked like all of his dreams, his odd, twisted, angel dreams had come true, and was staring at the man in the bowtie with awe and respect, "It's God."

"Vworp, vworp, vworp!" 'God' said.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: First off, thank you Mathlete123 and Tabigal07 for your reviews. The rest of you, be sure to the same. I will find you. And hold you at gunpoint, making you write some sort of review.**

**Also, I forgot to put this in the first chapter: I do not own Doctor Who or Supernatural. They are only my toys. I did own either of these wonderful shows, I would be doing better things with my free time, such as writing crossover scripts.**

"God wears a bowtie? And tweed? He's a walking insult to fashion!" Dean exclaimed, watching 'God' laugh his head off with young Jacques.  
Castiel ignored him, walking toward 'God', "Father." He said, kneeling.  
'God' looked down at Castiel, "Hello!" He said cheerfully, "Who're you?"  
Castiel looked up dismayed, "Father, do you not remember?"  
'God' thrust his hands into his pockets, "'Fraid not. Would you like a Jelly Baby?" He dug around in his pockets and took a squashed paper bag from them, "I have loads of stuff in my pockets!" He said, thrusting the bag at Castiel.  
Castiel stood up, looked at the bag, and took it. He slowly ate one, never taking his eyes off 'God'.  
Sam went up to Castiel, "We need to take him to Bobby's."  
Castiel nodded agreement, "Come with me, Father."  
'God' had lost interest in their conversation, and was currently making the toy plane fly around, but he glanced over to Castiel and nodded. He made the toy plane fly into his hand and pocketed it along with his metal stick.  
Sam, Dean, Castiel, and 'God' came out of the shelter onto the streets of London. Castiel put his finger to 'God's' forehead and the disappeared. Ten minutes later, Castiel reappeared and they appeared at Bobby's house.

0o0o0o0o0o

"And then," 'God' choked out a laugh, "And then, the ginger woman made then spin around and around and around, and they went careening off into each other like...Big metal saltshaker robots!"  
"Right." Bobby said. He waved to Sam, Dean, and Castiel, "Who's this idjit?"  
Castiel tensed slightly as Sam replied, "According to Cas, God."  
Bobby stared at 'God', then said, "Bit late to the show, y'think?"  
'God' glanced at Bobby, "C'mon, the Daleks were funny!"  
"He's been like this for the past ten minutes, he's not going to help us kill Lucifer like this."  
'God' shook his head rigorously, "No, nonononononono. Killing is bad. I despise killing. I also despise guns." He pulled his metal tube from his pocket again, and pointed it at the lump in Sam's jacket, "No more guns now!" He said cheerfully.  
Sam took the gun from his pocket and found that the safety had been jammed on 'off', "What the hell?" He asked 'God'.  
'God' began whistling.  
"Someone get the magic tube from Him." Dean said. Bobby tried to pluck the tube from 'God's' hands, but 'God' hugged the tube close to him.  
"Mine!" He shouted like a spoilt brat.  
Sam came from the other side and grabbed the tube from 'God'. 'God' let himself go limp as Castiel watched, knowing that they had to take his tube. If that tube came near the good guns, he would be a liability.  
'God' crossed his arms and pouted as the others confiscated his tube. It was his. It was _his_!

0o0o0o0o0o

Sam and Dean entered the house after Bobby, leaving 'God' and Castiel alone.  
"So, we found God." Dean said, "Too bad he's completely lost it. How do we get him back?"  
Bobby sat at his desk and rubbed his eyes, "I'll just read the countless encounters with God and see if any mention he's gone insane. There aren't any!"

0o0o0o0o0o

'God' was lamenting the loss of his tube, moping, with Castiel sitting awkwardly beside him.  
'God' glanced at Castiel, ready to break the silence, "So, once I ended up on new Earth thousands of years in the future. Thousands of years from now, the human race is still going. They never die."  
Castiel nodded politely, "Interesting." He said, since it would be impolite to not say anything.  
"I absolutely love them, with their funny little brains, their funny little religions, they're brilliant!"  
Castiel nodded, "I agree."  
"Say, could you get my thingy back?" 'God' asked.  
Castiel nodded again and entered the house. He strode right to the table and took the tube.  
"What are you doing, Cas?" Sam asked.  
"What I was ordered to." He replied, starting to go out of the room.  
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." Dean stood up, "That toy can destroy our guns. God knows what else it can do."  
"Yes he does." Castiel replied.

0o0o0o0o0o

Amelia Pond and Rory Williams. The companions of the Doctor. Or, past companions. There was that thing with the Lake Silencio. And the universe coming to an end. But water under the bridge, and they had been ready to go traveling again. And then he went spinning down to Earth in the TARDIS, leaving them behind _again_.

0o0o0o0o0o

"The angels have the phone box. The angels have the phone box." 'God' muttered to himself, a bit more than half-crazy, "The angels cannot have the phone box." He took a deep breath to calm himself and fixed a smile on his face. He bounded into the main room, saying, "Now, it's time for the big boy to play!" He clapped his hands together, "I'm looking for a phone box!"


	4. Chapter 4

Castiel stood up immediately, "Where?"

'God' shrugged, "No idea. But," he rubbed his hands together, "You talk of killing someone called Lucifer? We aren't going to kill anyone. But, we can stop him without killing him, whatcha say to that?"

"You can do that?" Dean asked incredulously.

'God' scoffed, "We need the phone box. It's blue and in England or America or Raxacoricofallapatorius." 'God' jumped up and pointed at Castiel, "But don't leave. The phone box is really optional to the task at hand. Just need it when we're done. I think." 'God' stroked his rather large chin, "Before you ask, and you're bound to ask sometime, I don't remember much." He mused, "I'm not human, there's the phone box, my thingy," he twirled his tube, "the phone box is special."

"Do you remember anything else?" Sam asked before Dean could.

'God' thought, "I'm a fan of Sherlock Holmes. Beans are evil. You should eat fish fingers and custard."

"He means useful things." Dean snapped.

'God' pouted, "You should eat fish fingers and custard! But no."

"Right." Sam said, taking another sip of his beer. Silence came as each sat in their thoughts.

"Eh, actually, the phone box would be really nice right now." 'God' said, mostly to break the silence, "Can anyone here go to Raxacoricofallapatorius?"

"I cannot do inter-planetary travel." Castiel said, "I am bound to this planet."

"Oh, right then." 'God' said, "Too bad. So!" He clapped his hands, "Tell me everything about this Lucifer!"

They spent the next hour filling in 'God' on Lucifer.  
'God' nodded, thinking, "With my thingy, I might be able to force him out the body. That may buy us time to find the phone box. Then we shove him in the phone box."

Dean blinked, "You want to trap the devil in a phone box?"

**A/N: Sorry for the shortness, but I was hitting some writers block for this chapter. As for time, it's after Lucifer was sprung but before Bobby was stabbed. As always(though I have been very inconsistent with this), leave a review and I'll leave you alive.**


End file.
